“All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't.”
Marilyn Monroe

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A great Promise

I want this to be a serious post. I know that I usely write about silly little children or burning cookies, but I have something to say and I pray that it will hit home to you like it did for me.
John 14:18
"I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you."
I know I have read this many times before. I also know that it never touched me the same way as today. I read this with tear filled eyes. I read this as a promise one that would never be forgotten one that would really happen. When I read this verse I can't even write how it made me feel. But let me try to explain it a bit.
I came from an abusive home. When I was a small girl ( 8) I could name every part of a Pot plant. Not only that I could tell you who would buy it from you, and who were the narks. I started smoking pot when I was 12 years old. I drank almost every weekend from the age of 9 to 14 (not just sips there were times I past out.) All this happened when everyone I trusted were out of it.Too high or to drunk to even care or understand where their little girl was. But that's not it I grew up in a family that was really messed up. I've always known it was messed up but just making a list of the facts really proves my point. 2 out of 4 of my grandpa's were well known perverts who messes with their daughters and many other little girls. One uncle is a registered sex offender,and the other 4 just do it and get away with it. Out of 8 first born male cousins 5 are just like their fathers perverts and sex offenders that never get caught. Here's the saddest part for me. ALL my aunts were abused by their fathers or uncles. My birth mom and step mom were abused by their dads. I'm sure all my aunts and both my moms promised that NOTHING would hurt their girls. But out of 10 1st born girl cousins 7 were abused. Yes sadly I am on that list. Sadly NO one protected me as they should have. And Although my father was not a pervert we never protected me never kept any promises. NO ONE ever did. Lies Lies that's what I grew up hearing. It wasn't very long until I started to hate and not trust anyone. I was so afraid of people that I live with sexual abuse and mental abuse for 7 years. I was a messes up girl. When the time did come and I finally found some one I thought I could trust I had a lot of issues. The Police took me out of that home. I then tried my best to trust people. The secretary from my school started the process of adoption. She was familiar with me and knew what I had been through. I do believe she loved me. I do believe that things might have worked out if I wasn't so scared, and damaged. Things with that family soon fell apart. They had 2 small children and I was stressful I needed more then they could give. So here I was a girl that was now 14 that poured her heart out to the Police, social services, and most of all a family. All these people had received my trust a trust that I had to search trust is something that I had to learn to do. Also all these people told me that they would help me. That family told me I would be their, and that they would never leave me. But months after they had told me their promises I was all alone. I was scared and alone. I don't know if you'll really understand how alone I was with out me telling you. I was taken from the only family I ever knew. I was now their enemy, and had to deal with seeing them at the store or anywhere in town. Because they got away with that nasty crime. I had no where to go. Yes I had a foster home, but the lady I was with took kids tell they turned 18 then out they went. What was I to do when I was 18 and scared? Who would hand me over to my future husband? Who would be on my team? And I knew the answer was no one.
Hahhhahahha that was until I walked into church. I was not happy about going the first time. I hated how everyone was happy. I thought God owed me not that I owed him. Plus he was a "father" a man the type of monsters that always hurt me. But there was always something that kept bring me back there. Something that slowly changed my cold damaged heart. 2 months after going I gave my life to the Lord. I knew I couldn't trust people, and everytime I would I was sadly disappointed. I had to trust that God would be different. He knew how little I really trust him. And he very slowly and gently changed that about me.
I prayed for a family for me. A family that love God and that would love me always. Guess what he gave me one. A wonderful Godly family.
John 14:18
I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.
Maybe now you will understand why that is a breathtaking promise. Guess what? Trust him he WILL not disappoint you. I was not only an orphan because of the fact I had no family. I was an Orphan because I did not know God. But he came for me. He brought me himself before he brought me a family.
All this to say I love God. I love him because he's truth worthy. He proves himself to be true. He is a God of love, healing, and understanding. Thank you Lord. For being my rescuer.