Monday, September 27, 2010
If you ask anyone who knows me you would find out that I am a very seasonal person.
If I had my own house I would decorate Spring, Summer, fall ,and winter.
Spring would come with bright colors yellow flowers.
Summer would bring lemonade in a glass pitcher with Lacy tablecloths.
Fall would bring Reds, Yellow, and greens. Sunflowers.Plad tablecloths.
Winter would bring cookies. A warm fire, blankets and candles.
But over the years I have found that what my mama likes and what I like are very different. I will admit that I have not always like that fact. I would like it if she would allow me to decorate the house when she does not.But I have found out something very importian. That my mama does decorate even if it's not with bright flowers and candles or fancy things. Instead she is very wise she does not love it so much that she would neglet us and decorate the house or fail to buy food because she just had to have those green curtins. Her style is simple and humble.
God has allowed me to see what gifts he has given my mama and now that I see them I truly love mama's house.
Like I said all our decorations are small and humble. But there mama all the way.I'm so thankful that God has allowed me to have a changed heart that instead of giving Mama such a bad time about the house. I now look at it and say wow it's pretty.
So I would challange everyone to give up theirselves so that they can allow others to be themselves. Maybe you'll come to love what they really are. I know that I have come to love my Mama's house and that I have come to love they ways she does things. I love that she makes our home comfortable to live in, and that she puts just the right amount of time and energy into making it a home.
I want to share some pictures of them.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I don't have older siblings living with me at home any more. Sometimes I do want to be around someone that is my age. But I do have 3 young siblings who are wonderful. It's amazing how funny and caring they all are. If I had the world mind set I would be missing out on it all. Wade's willing to lead, and his servent heart. Jonas who hates dissapointing people ,and he loves when you show him affection even if he never seeks it. Leona is a JOY she is so determed to be someone special. Then there is my Daddy who is EVERYTHING a leader could be. He is gentle ,and both shows and tells us all how special we are to him. Then there is Mommy. She could be doing a million things outside the home ,but her disire is to be right where the Lord wants her, which is right in the middle of a family that needs her so much. I can't even imagine not knowing who my family is. Because I was to bored to be home. I love them so much. I would encourage you to get to know your family. Find out how they need to be loved by you. Each person needs are different also each person responds to love in different way. So don't give up on them. Take the time to love them. Here are some photo's from our sissi date.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
I'm sure most of you have many stories to tell people about all the times God has provided or when he was just there to carry you through. I know that my life is full of stories that end in how God was there for me. Many times I fail to share those because of the pain that it brings to me. I have a book that is unwritten because of the fear I have had. I call it sin a shameful horrid thing. It was taken a gift that I truly believe the Lord has intended to use. It has stopped me from doing what the Lord wanted me too. I'm sorry that it was taken me this long to really see and WANT to do the Lords work. I am sorry that I have lived a life full of Gods mercies and love ,and yet failed to show it with the world. I want to change I want to be a story that the world can read. I want to show Gods love to this world. I also what to encourage other people to share Gods love with this world too.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
"I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you."
I know I have read this many times before. I also know that it never touched me the same way as today. I read this with tear filled eyes. I read this as a promise one that would never be forgotten one that would really happen. When I read this verse I can't even write how it made me feel. But let me try to explain it a bit.
I came from an abusive home. When I was a small girl ( 8) I could name every part of a Pot plant. Not only that I could tell you who would buy it from you, and who were the narks. I started smoking pot when I was 12 years old. I drank almost every weekend from the age of 9 to 14 (not just sips there were times I past out.) All this happened when everyone I trusted were out of it.Too high or to drunk to even care or understand where their little girl was. But that's not it I grew up in a family that was really messed up. I've always known it was messed up but just making a list of the facts really proves my point. 2 out of 4 of my grandpa's were well known perverts who messes with their daughters and many other little girls. One uncle is a registered sex offender,and the other 4 just do it and get away with it. Out of 8 first born male cousins 5 are just like their fathers perverts and sex offenders that never get caught. Here's the saddest part for me. ALL my aunts were abused by their fathers or uncles. My birth mom and step mom were abused by their dads. I'm sure all my aunts and both my moms promised that NOTHING would hurt their girls. But out of 10 1st born girl cousins 7 were abused. Yes sadly I am on that list. Sadly NO one protected me as they should have. And Although my father was not a pervert we never protected me never kept any promises. NO ONE ever did. Lies Lies that's what I grew up hearing. It wasn't very long until I started to hate and not trust anyone. I was so afraid of people that I live with sexual abuse and mental abuse for 7 years. I was a messes up girl. When the time did come and I finally found some one I thought I could trust I had a lot of issues. The Police took me out of that home. I then tried my best to trust people. The secretary from my school started the process of adoption. She was familiar with me and knew what I had been through. I do believe she loved me. I do believe that things might have worked out if I wasn't so scared, and damaged. Things with that family soon fell apart. They had 2 small children and I was stressful I needed more then they could give. So here I was a girl that was now 14 that poured her heart out to the Police, social services, and most of all a family. All these people had received my trust a trust that I had to search trust is something that I had to learn to do. Also all these people told me that they would help me. That family told me I would be their, and that they would never leave me. But months after they had told me their promises I was all alone. I was scared and alone. I don't know if you'll really understand how alone I was with out me telling you. I was taken from the only family I ever knew. I was now their enemy, and had to deal with seeing them at the store or anywhere in town. Because they got away with that nasty crime. I had no where to go. Yes I had a foster home, but the lady I was with took kids tell they turned 18 then out they went. What was I to do when I was 18 and scared? Who would hand me over to my future husband? Who would be on my team? And I knew the answer was no one.
Hahhhahahha that was until I walked into church. I was not happy about going the first time. I hated how everyone was happy. I thought God owed me not that I owed him. Plus he was a "father" a man the type of monsters that always hurt me. But there was always something that kept bring me back there. Something that slowly changed my cold damaged heart. 2 months after going I gave my life to the Lord. I knew I couldn't trust people, and everytime I would I was sadly disappointed. I had to trust that God would be different. He knew how little I really trust him. And he very slowly and gently changed that about me.
I prayed for a family for me. A family that love God and that would love me always. Guess what he gave me one. A wonderful Godly family.
I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.
Maybe now you will understand why that is a breathtaking promise. Guess what? Trust him he WILL not disappoint you. I was not only an orphan because of the fact I had no family. I was an Orphan because I did not know God. But he came for me. He brought me himself before he brought me a family.
All this to say I love God. I love him because he's truth worthy. He proves himself to be true. He is a God of love, healing, and understanding. Thank you Lord. For being my rescuer.
Monday, April 26, 2010
I do understand that most of you may not have a clue what that means or why I did that. So allow me to tell you. I know that this world is evil and dangerous. I have lived on both sides. I know that hearts get broken, and that most people use the word Love but do not understand what it really means. I know that people have emotions, and feelings. I believe that God placed fathers in our lives to lead and protect us. I'm dearly sorry for all of you that have fathers that fail to do their jobs. I do understand. But for those of you that have Godly fathers that care about you and care about your heart. Would you thank them stop telling them to stay out of your life stop hating them when you really want to love them . Stop giving your heart, and yourself away to "boyfriends" Because it's important it is not yours it's Gods, and our husbands that God may someday give to us.
I once had a father who failed to do his duty he let me give my heart to anyone who asked for it. He allowed me to be hurt abused and damaged. He was a man who I wanted to love a man who I dearly wished would protect me but he never did. I was once empty broken and useless and than God took me and filled me up. He showed me how great he was how he could make me new. Then he gave me a very special gift a gift of a family a Godly family a dad who would die for me and a mom who loved me greatly. That doesn't happen to everyone so I count it a Huge blessing.
I had a LOT to learn I had to trust give things up and change. I was so use to giving my heart away to "boyfriends" that I couldn't give it to my father. Then I seen that this world wasn't getting better, and my heart wasn't going to be protected by itself. I gave it to my daddy. I gave him my heart to protect and keep safe tell the day he hands me over to be wed. I was making a commitment to trust him. I was giving up my power to fall "head over heals" of any guy. It's very comforting to know that someone will protect you from making stupid decisions. I know that when I stand at the alter I can say I do without any doubts. Children love your fathers.
Here are some pictures of my Birthday -Father daughter date we went on a small road trip. Had so much fun. Thank you God and thank you Papa.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I really feel like someone just expressed their deep love for me. But even better because GOD has, and his love will never end it is perfect and all you need. Thank you God.
I guess I should start from the beginning. I have known Christ for 4 years now. It has been a long, but wonderful 4 years I can't wait to see what he has in store for the rest of my life.
He has always spoke to me when I was in need of change(happened a lot) Sometimes he brings many things together so that I can learn one thing. Well it happened again.
I was talking with my mother about my gifts and the things that I'm not so good at. Well it was very clear that I had a fear to speak about Christ to unbelievers unless they themselves brought it up. I don't know why it's that way it just is. I don't really have a problem living my life in a different way than the world does. I do hurt every time I see someone I love and I know they're destined to Hell. I really do love God and know that I OWE him my everything. That is why three days ago I started praying that God would change my heart that he would take all the fear away, and allow me to speak boldly of his name like I should. I prayed I would get over myself, and just do it.
Lesson 0ne: Bible reading!
I was doing my nightly devotions and it just so happened that I was reading these verses. Well, it didn't " just so happen," God made it that way.
"Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light ; and what you hear in the ear . preach on the house tops." "and do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will "But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. " Do not fear therefore ; you are of more value than many sparrows."
This is a BIG one!
"Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. "But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.
" He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for my sake will find it. "He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me." He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet's reward. And he who receives a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man's reward.
" And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple,assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward."
These are verse I have read many times before. But this time I got it............... The Lord DIDN'T stop there. No, he thought I needed some more.
So today while I was babysitting, I was deciding if I should do some History or something else. I was convicted to do some History. Well once again it ("just so happened") that the chapter I was reading was about a young man who was ALSO convected to speak out loud for Christ. I will share a bit more about his man.
His name is Yohannan He lived, at the time in a remote village in Asia. He was a small man, 90 pounds. But when God layed it on his heart to speak about Him he was 16 years old. He had just recently signed up for a traveling mission group, but was turned down because of his age. His heart was confused God had layed something on his heart and now it wasn't going to happen he could not understand. But God knew he knew from the beginning what Yohannan was called to do .
I'm going to share part of the book with you.(Revolution in world Missions-K.P. Yohannan)
"Alone that night in my bed, I argued with both God and my own conscience. By two o'clock in the morning my pillow wet with sweat and tears, I shook with fear. What if God asked me to preach in the street? How would I ever be able to stand up in public and speak? What if I were stoned and beaten? I knew myself only to well. I could hardly bear to look a friend in the eyes during a conversation, let alone speak publicly to hostile crowds on behalf of God. As I spoke the words, I realized that I was behaving as Moses did when he was called. Suddenly, I felt that I was not alone in the room. A great sense of love and of my being loved filled the place. I felt the presence of God and fell on my knees beside the bed." Lord God," I gasped in surrender to His presence and will, "I'll give myself to speak for you -but help me to know that You're with me."
The very next morning when he walk out on the streets like he had some many times before done his heart cried for all the people walking by for he knew they would all most likely go to Hell. He prayed God help me know what to do. When he looked up he seen a huge rock he knew he was to go preach Christ's name. He did that day and from then on.
I love it. I read this and at the end thanked God that he would care enough for me to teach me. I'm so unworthy of his love, but still he answers me when I pray and is with me every step of the way when I need to grow or do something.
I find it so cool that things kept coming to me. I know that I'm not meant to be a preacher. I do not even think God has called me to be a foreign missionary. But I do think that I am a 17 year old lady who was called by God to speak about him in my every day life. Every chance I get. To be fearless, and to bring glory to his name in a whole new way.
Always Brandie Faith
Monday, February 15, 2010
I have 4 sisters altogether and I love them all very dearly. 3 of my sisters are older then me ,and only one of them is younger her name is Leona. It just so happens that the one I'm writing about is the youngest one. She is 2 1/2 and is a complete doll. She is not like most little girls. She is wild and loves to scream the song "Jesus Loves Me" all the time. But that's not all, she loves to wear pretty things ,and do everything that (I) sissy does. She is so different then any of my 2 younger siblings.
I am so blessed to have a sister like her. The sad thing about that is it's taken me almost 2 years to really see what a blessing she is. I have always loved her and adored her ,but never as much as I should have.
This morning when I was heading out to go feed my animals I found a small girl (Leona) still in PJ's ,and wearing her cowgirl boots standing by the door. I knew by the way she looked at me that she was attending to come outside with me. But I asked anyways . "Leona where are you going?" " Me goin outside with YOU!" I just wish I could write what it felt like. The way she said it ,she was very determined to come outside . It was like God was showing me how much I was neglecting my little sister.I thought about the mornings before. When she would ask me if she could come outside with me. I very selfishly would tell her "no"
knowing that it would only be more work for me.It was hard for me to see my little sister all ready and so full of hope ,because I knew that many times before it had been just like that but I told her "No" and never even thinking about her or her feeling.
Not that telling her "no" is wrong ,but when I did it I was sinning I was only thinking of myself first. I was not working on a relationship that will last forever. I really want to ask everyone that they would be building relationships with their family. No matter how much of an age different there is. Because they love you and want to be with you. Some times we need to realize how much we tell then "No." Have fun with then ,and let them help you through out the day. It may take longer , but someday it may be to late to spend time with them.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Once a long time ago there lived a Princess. She was not like any princess today or that you read about in storybooks. No this Princess had a beauty that would never pass away she had charm but an undecitful kind. She had a heart that was gentle with everyone and a peace that many never find in life. She works hard for her kingdom never taking for granted her position.
She was known to be a princess in her small village though some doubted her every word. Sayings “ If you are a Princess tell us where your Kingdom is. " She would gently reply " I have told you already, but you do not believe me nor can you understand what I am trying to tell you." She believed every day that her King would come for her she knew who he was, and she knew who she was."
One day while she was washing clothes by the stream she noticed some ones refection behind her. As she turned around she noticed that it was a small girl, infact she had seen this girl before when she was taking food to the orphanage. The Princess could tell that this little girl was scared. So she spoke to her in a soft gentle voice asking her name. Shyly she said, "My name is May. “The Princess was beginning to tell her what a pretty name that was when she saw the tears feel May's eyes. The Princess's heart was breaking for May for she could see that something big was on her precious little heart. So she walked over and knelt eye to eye with her and honestly asked what was wrong.
"I... I thought you were a Princess, I even told all my friends that I knew one, but I was wrong.
"The Princess laughed wiping the tears off May's face. "You weren't wrong I am a Princess."
" Well if you were really a Princess why don't you have long wavy hair, or pretty dresses? And..... and your house is no more then a shack."
The Princess looked down at her plain dress. Then she spoke in a voice just as gentle as the one before.
"My darling May how the world has lied to you."
"Beauty is something more then what you look like, it's even more then what is inside you, true beauty is given by the king."
"And as for my clothes. I just have to say they’re what I have. Because since I am a Princess that means I haves duties things that I must do. Giving to others pleases my King.
Yes some days I do want pretty dresses and pretty things, but other need things too so for me to keep all the money for myself wouldn't be very kind now would it?"
Standing up the Princess looked out across the land as far as her eyes could see, then back to little May.
" I know that my house is indeed much like a shack. But what many don't understand is that my kingdom is in another land, far away from here. Some day I will live in a kingdom unlike any other. Until then my King has placed me where I am."
“So dear May do you now believe that I am really am Princess?”
May said shyly, ashamed that she ever doubted her being one in the first place.
“ Good! Now how would you like to be one too?”
May sat up straight happiness shining brightly in her eyes.
“Do you really mean it?”
“Is it really true that I could be a Princess a Princess just like you?”
“Yes indeed I mean it with all my heart you can be a Princess just like me.”
“All you have to do is love the King of Kings with all your heart, and lay down anything that will distract you from keeping your mind on him.” “ I also know that serving him and working for the Kingdom can be hard since we can’t see it yet. But do it with all your strength and remember when you do see your reward it will be better then anything this world could ever offer you.”
I don’t want to end this book with the words
“ Happily ever after.”
But they did both live happy lives-serving people, serving their King. And not giving into what other Kings had to offer them. They both were true beautiful Princess.
Saturday, January 16, 2010