“All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't.”
Marilyn Monroe

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

In his arms

I feel sick right now. Not from a cold or a flu. But from sin. I'm sorry if this post makes people upset. Or makes them roll their eyes or feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry if you feel disappointed with me after you read this. The truth is I'm bound to hit one of those feelings with someone. I do have many friends that do not live are believe the way I do. I have family that are way different than me. But at some point I think everyone has felt the same way. I think everyone has felt pain.No matter how many walls you have built around your heart or how tough you claim to be everyone on this earth felt it at one point or even still feels it as I type.
Well I'm at that spot right now to write this. The place where my heart literally is in pain. I'm doubting myself right now. I'm wondering if I should write this in the morning because my eyes are burning and swollen from crying. I will write this tonight. If not for anyone else for ME. For me to fully understand SIN. I was on the other side of this post a few months ago. I was the very one I am writing about. I was the one that caused others to feel sick and have burning eyes. I was the one that had TRUE friends say "I love you." I was the one that spit on them and their words, and I was the one that said God leave me the hell alone stop messing up my life. Yes, I said Hell. Those were MY words to God.
So here I am. Here I am being spit on by someone I would lay my life down for. Someone that has been in my prayers almost every night for years. Someone that I have never really been BEST friends with, but I have watched her as she cried because her parents shipped her off to a school. I was there the day she bought a pregnancy test. I was there to see her young face show fear. To be honest I was even with her in the bathroom as she took it. I was there and watched her fight with people as she decided what to do now. I was there when she told me her boyfriend and her split up. I was there when she decided that when her baby was born she would let it be adopted to a better home. I was with her by her side for 9 months as her belly grew and her baby started to grow. I was in the same room with her as she heard the babies heartbeat. I was the one that wiped her tears off her face for her when the nurse said it was a girl.... I was with her as she went into labor. My hand was her stress relief. I was there as she handed her newborn beautiful baby girl into the hands of a wonderful couple that would take her miles and miles away...... And sadly I was the one that saw it break her heart. I was the one that seen her run as far as she could. I watched her cover her pain up with a marriage. I watched her husband treat her like dirt. I watched her fall and fall away from God. I watched her make God nothing but an old man in the sky for her and her life. Now I'm watching her divorcing. Now I'm watching her suffer more pain. Now I'm bagging for her to move back so that I can hold her hand once more and be the one to wipe her tears off her face. And God is telling me no. God is telling me that it won't help. That hurts, I love her I want to tell her even if it is a lie that everything will be ok. At first when I remembered all I was there with her for I wonder why God had shown me it. But now I know that God was there for all the parts that I was and the parts that I wasn't. He loves her more than I could ever love her. And he hates all that is going on. I can't help but say that this amount of pain I feel is tiny compared to what God feels...
God is showing me and reminding me of my very life and where it was that I was at not to long ago. I had people that loved me. I even had people that told me it was all going to be ok. It did nothing. I needed to be able to go to God and let him do that. I needed to wake up and repent and run to him. When I did do that really really and honestly trust only God with my life. All my tears were wiped away. All the pain I felt, the uncertainty I lived with daily were gone. It wasn't magic it was the power of God. When I came to him that day it was like nothing I had ever felt before . It was like all I felt was his huge hug. I didn't feel shame. I didn't feel scared. I felt the love of God around me. No way was there a worry in my life that day. I had made it back home to him. Right were his girl needs to be. So tightly wrapped up in his arms that nothing can harm me. Not even myself.
It was a long hard lesson that I had to learn before I figured that was what God wanted and what I needed. I had grown up without trust. I was hurt and not ever protect as a child. And so when I meant God sure I loved him and read the bible. But I was always waiting for that sin that would make him hate me. I was always worrying about things because surly if God was in control he would mess it all up. Never was his love enough for me. I was looking in every place possible for love and affection. So I went on a little ride to hell,as I like to say. It hurt me so much do be on my own, kicking God out of my life day after day. Thinking that I was better at life them him.
So as I watch my friend do the same and suffer the same I am sickened. I knew that God allowed me to go through all I have been through to teach me and better my relationship with him. But now I see that in fact it was so I could always be reminded that Sin is horrid. My friend is not the only one that suffers from it. So many people do. Oh that's right we all do. So every time I see the old Brandie come out in others I should be remind to pray. I should be the one that doesn't judge but tells them that God wants them to be in his arms. I should tell them that God is what they need. As I feel this pain for her. I am remind how much it hurts God too. He created her and her heart. He desires her love and look at it.
A year or so ago I wrote this letter for this same friend. I never did find the perfect time to give it to her until now. Funny how God allowed me to write it to her then. But is telling me to give it to her now. I would like to share it with you too.
To ......
I have a love of my life. No one but me truly understands how much I love her. How much I want her all to myself. But most of the time she forgets all about me. She lives her life like we've never even meant. If you were to see her you might not even know that we have shared a love deeper than most. Sometimes she'll go weeks or even months without talking to me. I try to bring up conversation, and I always let her know how special she is to me.....
But I can tell she is moving on. That I'm not enough for her. I can see she thinks that there is someone else out there for her that will love her more than I do. I tried telling her that her"new lover'' won't love her. That he won't look out for her in ways that I do. She doesn't understand that I really care about HER. I love her not because she can make me happy, or that she has something I would like. I love her unconditionally. She cries at night because no one is there for her. She talks to her friends about how she wants someone .. anyone to love her. All this time she does it in front of me like I can't hear her or see her. She does it like I don't what that from her. She wants a prince to rescue her but she chooses not to look at me. If she would just look at me once.... Truly look at me then she would see that my arms have been waiting wide open for her since she left. But she never sees that. She can't see the tears I have cried for her. She can't see my heart being torn apart, because instead of running to me she's running away. She's running into the arms of a sinner,a lair,and a man who will show her no respect. A man who will not love her like I do. I want her to be loved and protected. She refuses to think I know how to do that. She thinks she is the best judge of who that is.
Many people say to give up. She wants me to stop loving her. But as long as she runs I will still love her the same. Every day I have my arms waiting for her. So that when she wakes up and sees that she has forgotten her first love she will turn and see my open arms. I'm so really to hold her once more. I want nothing more but to wipe her tears away and all the filth she feels away with it. Oh how I miss my dear one...

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Unchanging God

In this world there is hate, love, and there is fear. The list is long .There are people who laugh and have big families. While on the other side of the street there are small families who may be in tears. There are children who get abused. Wives that get beat up by their husbands. There is good and evil.
Before you say duhhhh.. Think about the worse thing that has ever happened to you. And as you read this keep that thought.
I want to tell you a story. A few years ago I was at a friends house eating breakfast. She asked me if I wanted some milk. I naturally said yes. She handed me the cup. Now.... I have had lots of milk before this cup. So without thinking about it, I took a drink, a big one, you might even say a slug. The taste of it was so noxious that it made me run to the bathroom. (I mean it was some BAD goat milk.) From that day on, when someone hands me a cup of goats milk, I smell that bad boy and I'm afraid to taste it. My point is not how you shouldn't drink goats milk. My point is that because I had bad goats milk once, I was forever changed. Same with other stuff in this life. I once crashed a motorbike. I'm now scared if I ride with on one today. When my brother was a baby, a dog barked right in his face, scaring him really bad. To this day he doesn't trust dogs.
It is very human of us to have something happen to us that changes our thinking of something or someone. Because I can, I'll say this. Too many times we allow something bad or good to change the way we look at God. When I was little I was abused, I thought until I was 14 that God hated me. I thought that He had given up on me. I looked around and all I saw were bad things. Now, what if I had grown up in a good loving home? Would I still have had to deal with thinking God was someone he wasn't? I tend to think yes. Because when I was 15 I was adopted into a loving Godly home. I still deal with things. I woke up the other day and I was crabby. I mean I was a bear. I was unhappy with everything. I thought that God was gone that day. I was sure that he was ANYWHERE but with me. That was a lie. A false accusation about God. I didn't understand any of this until the other day when I slid off the road into the ditch, in my car. Having to leave it there, as it hung out into the road teeter tottering on the edge of disaster. The car was practically daring me to kick it, so that it could fall further into the ditch. I walked away very upset. ''God please. Not tonight" I groaned. Some 2 hours later my car was pulled out without even a scratch with the help of some good friends. My friends dad told me how he was amazed that the car was unharmed. Then it hit me. God was there. The way God made my car land was so amazing. So if God kept my car and me safe, then that meant God was there as I was fishtailing down the road backwards? Did that mean he was there as I yell "Oh noooooo?'' YES, YES and YES. God was there even when I climbed out of my car and looked at it and thought about setting it on fire. God was there and he wanted me to see that He was there; when I crashed. But I'm a sinner and I'm not perfect. Nice excuse I know. But really God is the same. He is still Good, Faithful, Loving, and Forgiving. Even when we are are scared, mad, or lonely. Things that happen on this earth don't change Him. They don't make him leave, when we see bad things and they DON'T turn his truth into a lie. So what do we do? We pray and we pray a lot. Every day all day. We read his word so that we know what His truths are. When we come across one of His truths; like when He says ''I will never leave you or forsake you." But when stop and think of the past, we often jump up and yell, ''BUT, that one time GOD you couldn't have been with me." Its then we need to pray: God show me how you were really there. I often ask the Lord to show me why I can't see him sometimes, in the things that are going on around me. I ask Him to reveal what is really there, rather than what it is I am choosing to see. Like the car crash the other day, before my friend told me that God saved me, all I saw was a big mess, a big hole in my plan. But in the end I saw God's hand in my life. What is it that we will see when the truth is firm in our hearts instead of the stupid lie? How will we see the world when the truth is shown instead of our mixed up feelings at our messed up situation.
What if we chose to believe Him...? What if we trusted what He told us about Himself rather than our own feelings? It is then, when we are at the rock bottom of the pit, that we will see the truth and we will see that the truth does NOT move. That even at those moments when our hearts have broken and pain runs like a river, we can see the joy that is present. The joy of God that is continuously with us, ever comforting, ever encouraging, ever moving, ever loving and everlasting God..forever and ever amen.

In Him I live and write,

Thursday, November 10, 2011

It's a family thing

"I wouldn't be worried but........ yes you will probably die." Quote from my father. Oh, all the things that families say. Sometimes they are the worst. Have you ever noticed that when you ask a sister if you look good her response goes something like," Well yeah, I guess, but that shirt you have on makes your face look weird." Or, my personal favorite, is mom's "Honey, that looks like a reject from the 70's."
Family is special. Yes, both *special* and special. No matter what kind of hat your dad wears or how many times your little sister licks the walls during the church service. They are with you for life. Although, yes, sometimes I admit....I have fear, when I shop at Walmart with my father, because I know that he is going to tell the kids to sit on the thing that spins around with bags. Or, when my mom decides that right in the middle of the parking lot she is going to start clapping, and won't go until you start clapping too. You have to understand...she looks crazy. She is a little crazy...but, the clapping thing is really a "Praisin' the Lord!" thing...you have to know my mom.
Then, I was talking to my sister the other day and we were talking about our house and the creek and she would tell me stories of big swings and crazy games that we played. ''Man'' I said, ''and I made it out alive?''
I like having people around that act just like me. Okay, okay...I like having people I can blame my craziness on.
Sometimes though, they are there to keep you humble. Sometimes they are there to make you look smarter. Sometimes they are there to embarrassed the life out of you in front of your friends and their parents. They are there to show you how big God is and make you glad that all you have is a little scar on your head instead of a half caved in one. They are there so that you always have a best friend. And sometimes they are there for good advice and good laughs.
Family is a good thing. They are the ones that can say "I love you, but I hate your shoes." They have that power to tell the truth to you and not be afraid that you will walk away. A kind of love that a family has for one another is different than most love. You never had to earn their love and you never have to worry about losing it. You don't have to be perfect or have walls firmly in place to protect yourself. Sometimes family isn't one ounce blood. There have been times that I wanted to never talk to parts of my family. Somehow, forgiveness always comes. They are the ones that can do something to us that makes us on fire with anger and yet 1o minutes later say something that makes us laugh like a crazy person.
My family is BIG and...slightly crazy. They all have different beliefs and styles. They each laugh differently and have their own ways of thinking and doing things. But not matter what they do or say, each one is the same in my eyes...priceless. Each one means so much to me, they are each very important to me; something that no amount of money and nothing on this earth could replace.
In Him I live a write,

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Romantic winter moments...

The winter's weather is right outside your house. The frost is on the window. The tea pot is whistling and the fire is crackling. You are in your favorite flowing skirt and your hair is curled (just perfectly)....Nothing is better than this moment, right here. Ah, it would be a perfect time to pick up a good book and read it whilst rocking in my chair, sipping my hot tea.
Sadly, I don't own a rocking chair...I just thought I would play Anne of Green Gables for a minute. However, I did kinda have a point. It's just that, the way I wrote the perfect moment up above is NOT at all how my perfect moment starts off. Allow me to be honest and please allow me to ask that you love me even after you hear how it comes about.
I wake up because it is winter outside and it is freezing in my house and my body is just inches away from going in to hyperthermic shock. It demands that I seek heat elsewhere. The tea is not a romantic thing that will make my day go perfectly, but in fact, is needed to warm me and keep me healthy. The fire does get to crackling and, I must say, that it is very romantic when it does finally pump out the heat. The flowing skirt is very unlikely to happen...at least not for an hour...or more (maybe much more, if it really cold.) It's more like fuzzy socks and a nice warm pair of jeans and a comfy sweeter (or even my fuzzy PJs, if I am not immediately motivated.) This is more like how my perfect moment starts.. Oh wait, first I need my fuzzy blanket... Yes, much better, now I will read a book and sip my hot tea.
Winter is a wonderful time to catch up on all your reading. I love winter time in our house. We read a family book right after or before the bible, as a family, every night. We pick the books wisely so that all members of our family will enjoy them. It is a time when all I-pads , I-pods. Facebook, phones ,toys are put away and all the mysteries of the book are unsolved. I think that God has blessed many people to be wonderful writers and artist. And I erge you to see and read some of their wonderful stuff. I have put together some of the well loved books that are in our house hold.
Children books can be loved by all ages. Sometimes when one is being read aloud at home you will find the BIG kids listing too.

The I can read books are wonderful for kids who are just learning to read.

Biscuit Finds a Friend. By Alyssa Satin Capucilli (This book is very cute. I love it.)

Frog and Toad. By Arnold Lobel

Some other really cute books that children really like .

Becasue I love you. By Max Lucado

We're going on a bear hunt. By Michael Rosen Helen Oxenbury ( be prepare to have little children running around the house after you read this yelling "We're goin' on a bear hunt." it should only last a few days.")

Bear's new Friend. By Karma Wilson and Jane Chapman ( This one has beautiful pictures.)

The bear snores on . By Karma Wilson and Jane Chapman

God Gave us you. By Lisa Tawn Bergren

For little boys

God's Wisdom for little Boys. By Jim and Elizabeth George (This book is Character-Buiding Fun from the Proverbs

Will God's Mighty Warrior.By Sheila Walsh.

For little Girls

Fritz and the Beautiful Horses. By Jan Brett

Just like Mama. By Beverly Lewis

For the whole family

Old Yeller. By Fred Gipson

The Pilgrim's Progress.By John Bunyan

Where The Red Fern Grow. Wilson Rawls (Love this one..... Warning it comes with tears.)

Brother Andrew....... But sadly the book is not on hand so I can not share with you who wrote it. :(

Young ladies

For some families fake romanace is not allowed. I do own two very good and clean christian love books that are not misleading and are very helpful in a young ladies life. At least I think so....

Passion And Purity. By Elisabeth Elliot

Beloved Bride. By Bill Potter( Oh this one is amazing its The letters of Stonewall Jaackson to his wife. good good.)

These next ones are ones that I have read many times and still love picking them up and reading them.

A Lineage of Grace. By Francine Rivers

Redeeming Love.By Francine Rivers (Love it.)

Fathers and Daughters. By David Barrett And Elysse Barrett.

Before you meet prince charming. By Sarah Mally (This book was a gift to me from one of my married friends she loved it and said it was even helpful to her as a married women.)

His Chosen Bride. By Jennifer J.Lamp

Books for men or young men

Mere Christianity.By C.S lewis

This Present Darkness. Frank E. Pretti

How long O Lord? By D.A Carson

Kelpluck.By Patrick F. McManus (All his books are good... If you like funny he is the man!!)

Books for Mommies

Having a Mary Heart in a Martha world. By Joanna Weaver

Passionate Housewifes Desperate for God. By Jennie Chancey and Stacy Mcdonald

Heidi .By Johanna Spyri

Well, I hope you can take some of these books and find as much love for them as my family has. There are many many more wonderful books but for the sake of me not having to write a book myself on books I made you a start of a list...

In Him I live and write,

Brandie Faith

Monday, November 7, 2011

Guess what....it's not about you!!!!

Guess what.....it's not about you! Or me.... OH dear, don't these words make us just get fired up. But just because you own a shirt that says it is all about you, doesn't mean it is... See all the lies this world has told you!!?? It's okay, you can cry. Okay...you can stop now. Go on and just wipe your tears away so that you can read my point now... Please.
Praising and worshiping GOD. I find it so silly that the body of Christ makes such a big deal about what songs are holy and which songs are not. It has become such an issue that they are even willing to separate because of how a pastor leads his music. I heard one man say how "anything that is in all these new churches these days is part of the worship of Satan." But let us not be judgmental... It is just as bad on the other side. " I can't worship when all we do is sing hymns and listen to the piano..." It is sad. I was reading the psalms and there is A LOT of stuff in there about worship. Hmmm...funny how that is. Sometimes when I hear these comments I want to ask these Christians if they have ever read the book of Psalms.
Psalm 147:1 ~"PRAISE the LORD! For it is good to sing praises to our GOD;
For it is pleasant ,and praise is beautiful. "
Did you see how that verse said Praise the Lord, and not praise man or self? Did you see how that verse said that praise is beautiful, but it didn't tell you what kind of praise was beautiful? Could it be because that praise and worship mean something that our minds think they don't? For some reason we think that praise means a song or just a tone of a song; or the way we sing it not understanding the fullness of that word.
Worship: The activity of glorifying God in His presence with our voices and hearts. ~ Wayne Grudem.
Our English word of worship means "worthship," denoting the worthiness of an individual to receive special honor in accordance with that worth.
So, how dare we make it about us? How dare we say that we are unable to worship GOD because a song was (or was not) written 100 years ago? That's NOT worship that's idolatry. That is us taking what is meant for God and creating something that is joyful...for us; something that we seem to feel should make us happy. Soooo that we can honor God, except not really. It is for us. We wanna feel all warm and fuzzy inside...'cause that means we really love God, right? It doesn't matter how Christians sing "Amazing Grace" or what the songs lyrics are. What matters is what our hearts look like. Are we doing it for His Glory; to honor and praise Him? Or, are we seeking fuzzy bunnies that make us feel good?
Matthew 15:8 ~ "These people draw near to Me with their mouth. And honor Me with their lips, But their hearts are far from Me, And in vain they worship Me."
Worship should be us honoring God and REALIZING His worth and His GREATNESS. It is not us getting excited because our favorite song is next! And folks, let us be honest, it should NOT end with the song. We should be able to look at God and in our hearts praise Him because He is good....ALL the time...continuously. We should desire to sing to Him because of the mercies He shows us for even allowing us to even stand before Him. We can do it out loud or in the quietness of our heart, in honor of Him, joyfully.

Here are some verses that I would like to share...
Psalm 149:3-4 ~ " Let them praise His name with the dance; Let them sing praises to Him with the timbrel and harp. For the LORD takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the humble with salvation.
Psalm 150~ "Praise ye the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power.
Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness.
Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp.
Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs.
Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals.
Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD. "
Psalm 98~ " A Psalm. O sing unto the LORD a new song; for he hath done marvellous things: his right hand, and his holy arm, hath gotten him the victory.
The LORD hath made known his salvation: his righteousness hath he openly shewed in the sight of the heathen.
He hath remembered his mercy and his truth toward the house of Israel: all the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God.
Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise.
Sing unto the LORD with the harp; with the harp, and the voice of a psalm.
With trumpets and sound of cornet make a joyful noise before the LORD, the King.
Let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein.
Let the floods clap their hands: let the hills be joyful together
Before the LORD; for he cometh to judge the earth: with righteousness shall he judge the world, and the people with equity.
Psam 134:2~ Lift up your hands in the sanctuary, and bless the LORD.

“Though we cannot think alike, may we not love alike? May we not be of one heart, though we are not of one opinion? Without all doubt, we may. Herein all the children of God may unite, notwithstanding these smaller differences.” —from a sermon in the Works of John Wesley
"Above all sing spiritually. Have an eye to God in every word you sing. Aim at pleasing him more than yourself, or any other creature. In order to do this attend strictly to the sense of what you sing, and see that your heart is not carried away with the sound, but offered to God continually; so shall your singing be such as the Lord will approve here, and reward you when he cometh in the clouds of heaven."~ John Wesley

I want to share with you something that helped me understand what worship looks like. Yesterday at church we were singing "Shout to the Lord." And this small 7 year old was singing it off key, loud, and, I believe, truly with all his heart. "SHOUT TO THE LORD ALL THE EARTH LET US SING!" Oh, that we could be like that. Just making a joyous noise unto the Lord with all our hear, belting it out at the tip-top of our lungs because He is so amazing and so good! Doing it all for Him and not one bit of you or me! So, I challenge you, the next time you worship to do it in a way that honors God. Make it about Him not about you. Don't complain about people with hands raised or standing up to long... Honor God because He is worthy. He loves us and loves when we worship Him.
In Him I live and write,
Brandie Faith