I have some new exciting and scary news too. For one week starting today I will be living on a farm not to far from my College. If all goes well I will be hired as a farm hand.
The day I found that job I really was questioning what my next step was. With x amount of dollars and with winter coming I knew that staying in my little camper was not the thing to do. As of about 6 days ago that was my home. Don't get me wrong I loved it dearly. But the cold nights really were getting to me. So my point is this. Call it faith call it luck. But what is it really? What is it that makes our path clear right when we need to take a step? Why is it that sometimes we take steps even when we have no idea where we are going? Is it God, is it us? These are my real questions. Sometimes I can feel so lost and out of control then just when I need it there is something to look forward too. It happened just the other day so what do you do naturally when you see something ahead? You move ahead. That is what I did or am doing right now. It feels kinda like nothing I felt before, yet I know I have felt this feeling a 100 times already. It is that feeling of newness,and the feeling that I only know how to explain one way.With a short story. When I was a child we traveled to the ocean 2 or more times a year. It was and still is my all time favorite place. About 10 miles from the beach is a small town. From this town there is no way you can see or smell the beach, yet each and every time we drove through this town I thought for sure I did smell the salty ocean. It was just because I knew that I was so close and in my mind It made the Ocean seem right there so real to me that I thought I could smell it. Same with each step I take, I know that I can't see my dreams coming true right now yet a part of me honestly feels them coming true. It is a wonderful feeling caused only by moving ahead.
There is also a feeling of sadness as you move ahead. I cried as I drove out of the town I grew up in yesterday. It is a place of pain and joy stories after stories. It is a place that I was raised in it was all I have known. To drive out of the place that pretty much was your life was sad. As you drove you knew that behind you was family and friends. Trees that you hung from as a child. Rivers you swam at. The church you were baptized in and attended each Sunday. The School that was so little yet held a huge place in my heart. All of this was slowly getting smaller and further away as my old car drove on. Such a sad feeling really. A part of me wishes that I was there back at the place that I knew who I was at the place that knew me. And then there is the part of me that dreams of something different then a small town, something different then a small town girl too.
So here I go taking another step.
Maybe I will keep this blog more updated and you can see where my journey will lead me.